Oh Gosh No! Not Another Oh Gosh No Story!
by Insane Guy of DOOM
Summary: Now I'm parodying everything! After a run in with some AXE body spray, Danny ends up getting Sam pregnant. And on top of that, there's a new ghost girl in town by the name of Sue Mary. Chocked with spoofs, DXS, and some Lemon Demons songs too!
1. Would Using AXE this way be Illegal?

Presenting, the most parody-filled story grace (or blemish) ! I'll be spoofing various cliché's such as Mary Sue's, teen pregnancies, and direct spoofs from some stories!

Disclaimer: I don't own Danny Phantom, Butch Hartman does.

I would like to thank the following authors for their stories which I have used as inspiration for this story (In other words, I'm parodying you): Starlight by RenesmeeScarlet (And pretty much every other teen pregnancy DP story), Those Ridiculous Commercials by Knowledge in the Hollow Noggin, Pits by Cordia, and many others that I will add to the list in future chapters as the story progresses.

* * *

Finally, after three seasons, a cancelation, a lot of fan outcry, acceptance, and then a bout of the avian-flu, Skulker would finally kill the ghost boy and use his pelt as a blanket. Danny had no idea that he was about die, as Skulker was smart this time. He'd left a land mine right outside the door of Fenton Works. The ghost hunter himself was hiding behind a trashcan, but then again this was pointless as he was invisible too. The door opened and much to the poacher's glee Danny walked out to go to school. Just as his foot was about to trigger the land mine, everything around Skulker froze.

"Time out!" Yelled the voice of someone who could only be described as… GILBERT GOTTFRIED?! No, just kidding. It was Clockwork. "Skulker, I cannot let you kill the ghost boy." He told the dejected hunter.

"Well why haven't you tried to stop me before?" Skulker asked indignantly.

"Because this is the first time you've actually came anywhere near close to doing so." Clockwork answered flatly. Seeing Skulker's sad face, the time controlling ghost decided that he needed to explain his reasoning to the hunter. "Skulker, you can't kill Danny because he's an endangered species."

"He is?" Skulker gasped, he had never hunted a species to extinction, and it sounded like fun!

"Yes, not counting Vlad because he's lost in space, there are only two halfas in existence and they are both related. As long as halfas are threatened by extinction, I will always stop you from killing him." Clockwork explained while changing from a boy, to an adult, to an old many every few seconds.

"So… If I increase the population I can hunt the whelp again?" Skulker seemed very hopeful.

"Yes. Think of it like a breeding program!" Clockwork raised his arms up in the air for emphasis. "All you must do is get Danny to reproduce, and then once the halfa population has been secured you may go back to hunting him."

"Ah, so I must create some sort of pheromone that will cause the whelp and that gothy friend of his to breed thus securing the population!" Skulker scratched his metallic chin in a "pondering" expression. Clockwork held up a small can.

"Or you could just spray him with this AXE body spray." Skulker looked at the can in awe.

"That stuff really works?" The hunter asked in bewilderment.

"Well duh, how else would it not get sued for false advertising?" Clockwork handed Skulker than can. "And one more thing, if you kill Danny before the halfa population has improved, I will make you explode!" Clockwork raised his time-staff into the air. "Time in!" Everything started moving again, seeing Danny about to step on the land mine Skulker leapt from his hiding place and tackled the halfa to the ground.

"Saving a species!" The hunter yelled, he then whipped out the can of AXE and sprayed Danny with it until there was a puddle of the stuff underneath him. "You'll thank me for this later!" And with that the ghost-zone's greatest hunter flew off. Confused and smelly rather odd, Danny stood up and brushed himself off.

"That was weird." The halfa commented.

Later that morning Danny just finished explaining to Tucker his odd encounter.

"What do you think the stuff he sprayed you with was?" Tucker asked.

"I don't know. It's probably nothing." Just then the two approached Sam, who waved at them.

"Hi Tucker. Hi Dan…" A mysterious scent invading Sam's nostrils. She stopped moving and proceeded to stare at Danny, her eyes having become hearts and a puddle of drool was forming at her feet.

"Are you okay Sam? Are you constipated?" Danny asked.

* * *

Oh dear, this will not end well. In the next chapter more stuff happens and a new ghost girl arrives, and her name is Sue Mary!


	2. Enter the Sue!

Chapter twooooooooooooo!

A warning from Sue Mary: Sum of dis chapa is xtremely Mury Sue liek. Viower excretion advisd (I didn't understand it either)

Yes, Sue Mary is based off Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way from My Immortal: the worst fanfiction ever. I know, it's a Harry Potter story and thus why am I parodying it? Well "Enoby" is the epitome of Mary Sue-ism and I couldn't resist.

* * *

Little did Danny, Sam or Tucker noticed the long empty house next to Fenton Works (What can I say? Jack and Maddie aren't very good neighbors. You should've seen what they did to the Johnsons, Mrs. Johnson is institutionalized and the kids still smell like anti-ectoplasm foam to this day) was now occupied. From the car stepped out a girl with long, like, totally awesome-sauce brown hair that had like, the like cutest pink bow on top. She had the most amazing crystal blue eyes and they like, sparkled so nicely. I can't do this anymore; I think I'll let the character explain for you.

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Sue Mary's P.O.V

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Hai! My nam is Sue Mury. I dust mowed to town and den I lunpacked my stuf. I have blu eyez liek lumpid tares. 2day it wuz raining and snwing but da' sun wuz out since im 2 perfct 2 be in da dark. Just den I saw sum peepz walkin to scool. Dere waz a total hoot guy and dere wuz a domb goff gril stearin at him. But b4 I talk abutt him I will tell u abut me kay. I have long brown hare and gren eerings dat my mom gav me b4 she died. She died cuz of butt trouble but itz ok cuz I got my pet house spunky to hep me be happy. I wuz wereing a pink toop and sum tight blu jeens. I was wearing shooz dat said goffik girl but Im not a dumb goff, i liek guyz! Anywazy da guy iz soo hot!!!!11!11!11oneoneoneone!!111!!one He had spiky back hare and eyez jst like min! I new I wuz in luv wit him. So I sprinted sexyly 2word him. But den dat stoopid goff girl started to kizz him! And I wuz right dere! I hated dat goff girl and I wuz gon 2 kill her wit my special powers. Oh yay I forgt to mansion, im haf gosht haf vampire haf gril. My mom died when she wuz 4 and it gaved me da powerz! A spunky is realy a ghtos unikorn! "IM GOING GOLF!" I sed and den I turned to my groast haf. I had lung bak hari wif blu hilites. And I wore my regulr cloffes wif out da color so dey waz invizdible so u could see my gost soot. It wuz lik da hot guyz soot (**AN: **I no dis cuz I sawed it on da tellefison) only cumpetely defrent! Dere wuz a S on my chet cuz my name iz Sue geddit? Andyway da hot guy and da dumb goff wuz still kizzin! Dey must a relly liked eechodder! But dat wudnt stand beetwin me and da hot guy cuz im da best char in da jole sty. Wif mah powzorz churged uup I wuz redy to kill dat goffik girl but den I saw da guyz arm……………………. He had 2 arms!!11111 Den I herd my mum cull me and I had 2 go inside cuz shes a ghost vampyre so I dinnit want 2 make her mud.

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Regular P.O.V (Thank Goodness)

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"Sam! What are you doing!" Danny struggled to push the amorous Goth off of him. "I like being made out with as much as the next guy, but we're going to be late for school!" Sam contemplated this for about five seconds, and then lunged at the halfa again. Finally with the help of Tucker and the box of emergency gummy bats Danny always carried in case he needed to distract Sam for some reason, the two managed to keep her from making out with Danny and they continued on to school.

"Strange weather we're having." Tucker commented on the fact that it was raining, snowing, and bright and sunny out all at the same time.

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Timehaspassedtimehaspassedtimehaspassedtimehaspassedtimehas

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As the trio walked through the hallways, Tucker couldn't help but notice that the entire female student body was drooling over Danny. The halfa was busy keeper Sam from making out with him again by constantly feeding her gummy bats.

"What the heck is wrong with Sam?" Danny asked.

"I have no idea, but it seems whatever's wrong is contagious." Tucker motioned to a crowed of girls swooning over Danny.

"Hey ghostie boy." Paulina said to him while waving, Sam then lunged at Ms. Preppity-Prep and a massive catfight broke out. Finding this turn of events to be far too strange, Danny and Tucker shrugged and went to class.

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Anotherlinebreakanotherlinebreakanotherlinebreak

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The last bell rang, signaling that the most bizarre school-day ever was finally over.

"So Danny, I was wondering if you'd like to come over to my house… now!" Before the halfa could answer Sam grabbed him and pulled him into the Mansion Manson. She didn't stop until they had reached Sam's room, which then let go of Danny and pushed him onto her bed.

"So, what did you want to do? Study for the big history test Monday?" Danny asked.

"Oh, something like that." Sam replied seductively while locking the door.

"Uh, Sam, why did you lock the door?" The halfa asked nervously.

"So our "study session" isn't interrupted." Danny was getting rather nervous and prepared to go ghost and fly off.

"Uh, I think I have to go! I just remembered that my mom needed me to help her… help her bake sugar cookies!"

"How about these cookies, sugar?" And with that Danny's common sense left the building.

* * *

Uh-oh, Danny's in trouble and Sue Mary has arrived. I don't think I'll write from her point of view anymore. It's just too hard to write that badly.


	3. A Shocking Discovery

**A Warning from Sue Mary: **Da follwon chapa iz 2 short and dosnt hav me innid =(. Viower excretion advisd (Still don't understand it)

* * *

The morning after Danny and Sam's umm, "study session" Danny finally managed to escape while the Goth was asleep. Upon returning to Fenton Works he explained what had happened (leaving out the "study session" of course, instead saying he had fallen asleep in the park after a ghost battle) and hoped his parents could figure out what Skulker had sprayed him with. After several hours of waiting the test results came in.

"Hmm," Maddie said, reading the print out the substance's composition. "It seems the ghost sprayed you with AXE body spray." Danny nearly fell out of his chair in shock.

"No way! That stuff actually works?" The halfa asked, still not believing what he had been told.

"Of course it does honey. If it wasn't for AXE your father and I never would have had you and Jazz." Maddie explained.

"Yeah, it takes some help to get me away from the lab… and fudge." Jack added. Disgusted by this comment Danny went upstairs to take a shower and hopefully wash the remaining AXE off of him.

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AFTERTHESHOWERAFTERTHESHOWERAFTERTHESHOWER

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After getting out of the shower Danny called Sam to tell her about the recent discovery.

"AXE!? AXE!? I don't believe it!" Sam yelled.

"My parents tested it three times before telling me. It was definitely AXE. Which also explains a lot, considering what happened last night…"

"Don't even talk about that. I wasn't in control of my actions due to that AXE you had on."

"Oh so now you believe it!"

"Don't be smug with me mister. And more importantly, last night, we didn't have any… what if something happens?" Sam sounded very nervous over the phone.

"Relax Sam, I'm sure there will be no harmful repercussions to our rash actions." Danny replied confidently.

* * *

That line alone lets you know there will be. Sorry this chapter is so short, but there really wasn't anything to put in it without changing the subject completely. Next time is the meeting between Danny and Sue Mary, and Sam has some strange changes overcome her.


	4. Boy Meets Sue

**A Warning from Sue Mary: **Da fowowin chappa iz kewl cuz im innid. Viower excretion advisd

* * *

_Last teim on OH GUS NO!!1111ONEONE!!! NOT A NUDDER OH GOS NO STOREE!!!!111 da awsom Su Mury whos haf-gosht haf-vamper (leik in Twilight cuz dat moove iz awsom!!!!1111onelnoenoe)_ (**AN:** No offense to Twilight fans)_ and da best pert iz dat shez meee mowed to town. Den I saw a sooper hoot guy namd Damny _and his dumb goff grilfiend Sum! I wuz gonna kill dat **(censored) **_wif mah powzorz but i dinnid hav teim. So den Danny and Sam did the u-no-wat and it mad Sem praegnant. Dey dinnid no dis cuz they were dumb (__**AN:**__ Assept for Dammy sins hes tootalee hott!) but I did cuz im betta and da affor told me I cud rite dis purt cuz im speceeal. Now is bean 2 dayz sins den, and Dannee, Slam and dere udder frend who I dond car bout (__**AN: **__Not dat im rassits, I just dond liek him cuz hez a nred. And i hat nredz!) are gonna meat me and den Donny will be min!!!!!111oneone!!!111_

_**PS. **__Fangz for help wif da spelin Tara!_

"Hey, you guys have been acting really strange lately." Tucker commented to his best friends.

"Nothing!"

"We didn't do anything!" Danny and Sam yelled at the same time, they were a little freaked out about that whole "study session" incident. Deciding that it would be more fun to play Hello Kitty Island Adventure than to pester his friends, Tucker accepted this obviously untrue answer and pulled out his PDA. The trio began to separate when Danny, still confused about "that night" (He wasn't sure whether to be extremely happy about it, terrified since he most likely got Sam pregnant, or both) didn't notice the brown haired girl walking towards him. The two of course, collided.

"Oh, sorry! I didn't see you there." Danny told the mystery girl as he held out his hand to help her up. Much to Danny's shock she leapt up and caught that halfa in a rather romantic looking embrace. Sam glared daggers at him, and so the halfa quickly shoved this new girl off him. "Uh, hi. My name's Danny. I guess you're new here." He greeted the strange girl.

"Hai! Im Su Mury! Ur sooo hoot!" Sue Mary replied. (**AN: **Yes, even when she's not narrating, Sue Mary sounds like that) She then leaned in to kiss poor Danny when she felt a pair of lips against hers which certainly were not the halfa's as they tasted of technology and some sort of terrible home-made aftershave.

"I'm sorry, but Danny here is taken. I, on the other hand, am single and looking for love." Tucker said a suavely as possible to Sue Mary. This wasn't very suave at all. The five minute bell rang, and before any more craziness could happen, the four teenagers ran off to their respective classes.

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Imperial Line Break!

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For the next few days things were pretty normal, except that Sue Mary followed our heroes around everywhere, and whenever Danny's ghost since went off someone else had already caught the ghost before him. He assumed this was the work of Valerie or his parents, as he had no idea that Sue Mary was a halfa. This was rather odd seeing as how she had already told him this, but then he probably didn't believe her.

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FLASHBACK!

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"Gees wad!" Sue Mary yelled into Danny's ear while he was getting books out of his locker. "Imma haf-groast haf-vampryer jus liek u! Cept im mor powzorful cuz I wuz train by my moumb and im alzo a wich cuz I uoosed da go 2 hosmeade wif Harry Pooter!" She exclaimed.

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Flashback ends

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As you can see, you can't really blame Danny for not listening to her. It had been several weeks since then and thing were going okay. The trio had met up near their lockers and Danny and Tucker quickly noticed that Sam didn't look too well.

"Sam, what's wrong?" Danny asked. The Goth put her hand to her mouth and barely managed to stop herself from throwing up.

"I don't know. I've been like this all weekend. Every morning I'm throwing up constantly, but then by the afternoon I'm fine." Sam shrugged after her explanation.

"Hmm, you're sick, but only in the morning. It's like you've got a sickness that's for the morning…" Danny pondered. "Sam! That's it! You've got the flu!" The halfa exclaimed proudly. "See I'm a genius! I can't believe Lancer's threatening to hold me back a year!" He gloated while failing to noticed that Sam was looking greener and her cheeks were swelling every minute.

"BLAUGHHAAAGHGLFAAGUGHCVOMITSOUNDSBLAUGHAAAFFLAGH!" Were the noises that came from Samantha Manson's mouth as she spewed a torrent of vomit onto her boyfriend. Covered in vomit, Danny stood still, staring into space for several minutes.

"Yep, definitely the flu."

* * *

What strange illness has Sam contracted? Coughmorningsicknesscough

Also, whoever is the first to tell me what the PS. That Sue Mary left about "Tara" helping with her spelling is referencing will be able to request a one shot from me and I shall make it! (I will send details about what I will and will not write to the hypothetical winner when they hypothetically win).


	5. The Truth Comes Out!

**A Warning From Sue Mary:** Da fowowon chapa wud leik to cungratz Ally666 for wienin da condest.

I'll have your requested one shot up soon.

* * *

"Blaughafaallglaughflarrvoauvomitsoundsglorrb!" By the weekend Sam was still suffering from the bizarre "Morning Flu" as Danny called it. Her parents stood nervously as they watched their daughter empty her stomach for the fourth time this morning.

"Sammy dear, I think you need to go to the doctor." Pam said. Sam lifted her head from above the toilet and looked towards her parents.

"No, I'm fine, it's just a… horrrglauhplfffoauuaaggghuhvomitsoundsglarufffolg!... a minor cold." Sam's trying to brush off her illness was not at all working.

"You're going to the doctor and that's final." Jeremy demanded. "Now get going." Sam looked towards her parents quizzically.

"Aren't you going to take me?" The Goth asked.

"Heck no! We've got lives!" Jeremy and Pam replied in unison. They then pranced off to do preppy things. Sam admitted defeat and headed off to the Amity Park Hospital.

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LATER AT DOCTORS!

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"Hmm, so what are your symptoms again, Ms. Manson?" Dr. Doctor asked. Yes, he was a doctor whose last name was doctor. Don't make fun of him, he's very sensitive and has been known to operate on patients who don't need surgery when they get on his nerves.

"Well, each morning I feel really nauseous and throw up constantly, but by the afternoon I'm fine. Umm, also I'm uhh, three weeks late on my period. I guess that's because I'm sick or something like that." Sam explained.

"Well, I think I have pretty good idea on your diagnosis. I'll need you to take a urine sample using this!" Dr. Doctor handed Sam a home pregnancy test.

"Isn't this a home pregnancy test?" Sam asked dubiously.

"No. It's a not-home-pregnancy-test-test. For testing." Dr. Doctor fibbed, rather poorly at that. Having always been taught to trust doctors, Sam took the "not-home-pregnancy-test-test" and went to the bathroom.

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Several minutes later!

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Sam handed the device to Dr. Doctor who studied it intensely for several minutes. The Goth was ridden with anxiety.

"What's wrong with me?" Silence… "Will I be okay?" More silence… "HOW LONG DO I HAVE LEFT!?" Sam grabbed Dr. Doctor by the shoulders and tried to shake the answer out of him.

"Relax Ms. Manson! There's nothing wrong with you." Dr. Doctor said in a comforting tone.

"Really?" Sam asked hopefully.

"Yes, in fact what been happening to you is the exact opposite."

"Huh?" Sam despite the incredibly obvious hints, for some reason Sam still didn't get it. Perhaps Danny's cluelessness was rubbing off on her…

"Congratulations! You're pregnant!" Upon hearing these words, Sam did the only natural thing, she fainted. Dr. Doctor sighed. "NURSE! We've got another fainter!" A blonde haired woman in her twenties poked her head through the doors.

"Waffle irons!" She yelled and then slammed the door. Dr. Doctor sighed.

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This chapter has a ton o' line breaks

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Sam's eyes fluttered open, she found that her head her very, very badly and that she was laying on an examination table in the doctor's office. Dr. Doctor and the Nurse were staring down at her.

"Hurray you're awake!" Dr. Doctor cheered. He then looked to the Nurse. "Pay up." He demanded as they had previously had a bet about whether Sam was going to wake up or be in a coma for the rest of her life.

"Tough nuggets for you snack shack!" The nurse bolted from the room while laughing manically.

"Ugh, what happened?" Sam asked, still slightly dazed.

"You fainted and you landed on your head." Dr. Doctor explained.

"Why did I faint? AM I TERMINAL!?" She began to shake the poor doctor once again.

"No! You fainted because you're pregnant!" Sam fainted again. "Well you actually faint due to your pregnancy, really you fainted from _learning_ that you were pregnant. Man I can't believe I decided to be a real doctor instead of listening to my mom and playing one on TV like that House guy." Dr. Doctor failed to notice that his patient was yet again unconscious.

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Meanwhile…

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The year was 1788, the location was the Greenland Sea. On it a small ship of Viking construction headed towards the island that would one day come to be known as Newfoundland. A rather creative name right? Anyways, the boat was being roared by about a dozen Vikings, yet at the stern stood someone who clearly wasn't Norse. He was balding with a white beard, wore a green sweater vest and had stopwatch which we wore like a monocle.

"With my Viking army I shall conquer time once and for all!" The mysterious man said. Just then the Viking nearest to him pointed towards the ship's glork, which is fake-Norse for the back of the ship.

"Dude, look!" The Viking yelled. (**AN: **Well what did you expect Viking's to talk like? New York cab drivers?) Mystery Man followed the Viking's finger until he saw what the Norseman had seen. It was bear, smoking an old fashioned pip on water skis trailing the boat. Strangely the man did not seem surprised by this.

"Row faster man! Row faster! Make absolute haste! You're a lousy Viking!" Mysterious Man berated the Viking.

"Maybe it's because I'm not a Viking at all." The "Viking" pulled back his hood to reveal that it was actually the bear who had been on water skis.

"Wauh!" Mystery man looked back to the water skis to find the real, terrified Viking to be on the jet skis now. "Yorge! Get back here!" Just then two more bears with jet packs descended from the sky. One was a grizzly bear who for some unknown reason had a cybernetic right eye, he had a machine gun in his hands. His name was Grizz.

"Not so fast!" Grizz yelled.

"Cowabunga!" Added the other bear, who was a giant panda wearing a green tee shirt and black sunglasses named Kyle Pandabear. The mystery man was cornered.

"Try this one on for size!" The first beat, who was their leader punched Mystery Man to the floor and leaned over him.

"Oh gosh! No!" Mystery Man yelled as Leader Bear began to devour him.

_**Time Traveling Bear Squad!**_

_**They've got a plane and they've got quad!**_

_**They solve mysteries and fight crime**_

_**Through the theoretically impossible boundary of time!**_

_**They never fight for cash, treasure or money**_

_**But they sure love to eat berries and honey!**_

_**Fighting cowboys, Hitler and Joan of Arc!**_

_**Believe me their bite is worse than their bark**_

_**Bear with us through time!**_

_**Yeah!**_

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"I love this show." Danny commented as the theme song for "Time Traveling Bears" ended. Just then the doorbell rang. When no one else made a move Danny reluctantly got up. "I'll get it." Danny sighed. He opened the door to find a very worried looking Sam. "Sam, what's wrong?" He asked seeing her upset expression.

"Danny…" Sam began. _What if he hates me? Don't even think that! Danny loves you and I'm sure he'll support me._ "I'm pregnant." She finished. Danny stared blankly at her.

"So it wasn't the flu?" Danny seemed to more surprised that his diagnosis was wrong then the fact that he was going to be a daddy. Then that part about him having knoced up Sam sunk in…

* * *

Find out Danny's reaction next time on Oh Gosh No! Not Another Oh Gosh No Story!

P.S.- I do not own the Time Traveling Bears, their theme song or the "episode" which was called Time Bears. Here is their full theme song. Admittedly I might not have gotten all of it right.

_**The professor found them up on the moon**_

_**He shot them with a laser and they grew up soon**_

_**They could solve mysteries, travel through time and fly**_

_**And Grizz somehow got a laser eye!**_

_**Time Traveling Bear Squad!**_

_**They've got a plane and they've got quad!**_

_**They solve mysteries and fight crime**_

_**Through the theoretically impossible boundary of time!**_

_**They never fight for cash, treasure or money**_

_**But they sure love to eat berries and honey!**_

_**Fighting cowboys, Hitler and Joan of Arc!**_

_**Believe me their bite is worse than their bark**_

_**Time Traveling Bear Squad!**_

_**Quite arguably better than God!**_

_**They solve mysteries and fight crime**_

_**Through the theoretically impossible boundary of time!**_

_**They've met Genghis Khan, **_

_**And they've Jesus too,**_

_**And these time traveling bears**_

_**They wanna meet you!**_

_**Bear with us through time!**_

_**Yeah!**_


	6. Bowling Alley

**A Warning from Sue Mary:** Da fowwowin chappa contanz a sung by Lemon Demon.

Ally666 your story is coming, but I'm having some issues *coughwriter's blockcough* with it.

I do not own the characters in this story except for Sue May and her ghost-unicorn horse Spunky, I also do not own the song "Bowling Alley" by Lemon Demon.

Danny awoke to find himself in the hospital with Dr. Doctor and the Nurse staring over him. "Ha! I told you he was alive! Pay up!" Dr. Doctor demanded.

"Tough waffle irons, Snack Shack!" The Nurse yelled as she ran out of the room laughing manically. Realizing he was in the hospital Danny became extremely nervous.

"What's wrong with me Doctor? AM I TERMINAL?" Danny began to shake Dr. Doctor hoping to get an answer.

"Déjà vu." Sam commented while sitting on a plastic chair on the other side of the room.

"Relax Mr. Fenton. You fainted because your girlfriend is pregnant." Dr. Doctor explained causing Danny to faint again.

"Well you didn't actually faint because she was pregnant, you fainted because she told you that she was pregnant, which is kind of like the same thing, gosh, why did I have to be a real doctor instead of being a TV one like that House guy like my parents always said I should." The doctor rambled. Finally he stepped out of the room and Sam sat by the examination table until Danny woke up. When the halfa finally roused himself he looked around, before groaning and clutching his forehead.

"Sam, I had the strangest dream, you were pregnant." Danny exclaimed.

"Yeah, that wasn't a dream. Um, congratulations?" Sam said trying to make the best of the situation. While the shock was still sinking in the door of the room burst open and Tucker ran in.

"Guys! Guys! I've got something really important to tell you." The techno-geek remained oblivious to the pregnancy test on the floor or why Danny and Sam were in the doctor's office anyway.

"What?" Sam asked, annoyed that Tucker had chosen this time to interrupt which would certainly be a big heartfelt movie cliché talk between her and Danny about this new chapter in their lives. Maybe we can thank him.

"Well…" Tucker began.

Tucker: _**Ok the other night, I mean like, last night, I had  
the most screwed up dream ever. Ever. I mean, it was  
like a freaking acid trip, not that I, uh,  
advocate, uh, drugs, because drugs are bad, and  
stuff. Anyway, my dream, my dream was like, I, um,  
I was in a warehouse, and there were all these  
guys in Santa suits sort of doing this big dance  
thing, and they couldn't see me, or something. I  
don't know. And then one of the Santa guys was  
like, a really fat guy, and he didn't, uh, didn't  
want to do the dance, and he, uh, was the only one  
who could see me, so he was like, "Look!  
LOOK!" but no one else could see me, so I  
started-- he started chasing me, chasing me. And I  
was like, in a car, but he was faster than the  
car, and suddenly he jumped out in front of me, in  
front of the car, and he started screaming, only  
it was like a bigfoot scream, and it sounded so  
creepy coming from a, uh, Santa guy. In the dream  
I was like "AHH!!" and I hit the breaks,  
only the, uh, break pedal was broken, and it was  
actually a gas pedal, so I plowed over the Santa  
guy, and he went under the front tires, and then  
under the back tires, and then for some reason  
when he hit the back tires the front of the car  
flew up, and then I was suddenly in a flying car,  
only it was like a hovercraft. And then there was  
this big part which I can't really remember, but I  
was in the hover craft thing and I was like, uh,  
looking around for this house, and when I finally  
got to the house, like, I-- there was the button  
on the door and when I pressed the button, the  
door opened and a freaking scary old dead guy ch-  
uh, popped out of door, he was on rockets. And  
he grabbed me and I got loose, and then I ran in  
the house and hid in the bathroom, but there were  
the like, uh, TVs in the bathroom, and then  
something happened, I'm not sure what happened,  
but I was like at a bowling alley, and there was,  
all the the bowling balls were uh, uhh, dead  
president heads, and then I started shrinking, and  
then the Abraham Lincoln head tried to eat me, and  
then I woke up. It was really scary.**_

Danny and Sam stared blankly at him. "I'm pregnant." Sam said in an almost nonchalant way. Tucker fainted and the two lovebirds ran off before I could re-make this scene again only with changing Danny's lines to Tucker and having someone say "Déjà vu."


	7. Breaking the News to the Folks

**A Warning from Sue Mary: **Summa dis chappa iz darmatik, cuz Dlanny and Spam tell dere perantz abut Som bein pragnent. Voiwer excretion advisd.

To those who are curious about what I'm parodying. I am in no way insulting these stories (Except the Mary-Sue ones) I'm simply poking fun at the concept. Here is the list of the main stories which are being parodied.

Main Parodies:

Starlight by RenesmeeScarlet

Love: One Wild Ride (Another old Danny/Sam teen pregnancy story, this one with a Mary-Sueish OC)

That Darn Danny (What may be the first ever Danny/Sam teen pregnancy story, the author, the story and its sequels have vanished from the site)

My Immortal by Tara Whocareswhatherlastnameis (This one I'm actually making fun of. Sue Mary **is** Enoby. In a metaphorical way.)

Those Ridiculous Commercials by Knowledge in the Hollow Noggin (The AXE thing is from this)

Every Mary Sue story ever written by everyone who's ever written one.

Minor Parodies:

Pits by Cordia (This will appear later in the story)

Phantoms of Silent Hill by Darkmoose84 (Several chapters will be devoted to it, there will be another Lemon Demon song)

There will be some other non-story parodies; I'll keep them a surprise.

Well this author's note has gone on for far too long. Now here's the story.

* * *

After much consideration, crying and dramatic heartfelt talks that I really don't want to put in a comedy story, Danny and Sam decided they were keeping the baby, and that it would be the safest to break the news to his parents first. Danny and Sam walked down from the living room to find his parents and Jazz watching the newest episode of Time Traveling Bears "The Gettysbear Address". The two stood in front of the TV and Danny cleared his throat.

"Umm, Mom, Dad, Jazz; there's uh, something really… really important I have to tell you." The halfa stuttered.

"What is it sweetie?" Maddie asked, curious as to what could possibly be making her son so nervous. What on Earth could make him more upset than that whole half-ghost thing?

"Um, well… you see… it's sort of like… and…" Danny rambled on. Finally Sam could take his stalling no longer and blurted out.

"I'm pregnant with Danny's baby." She said. Both teens closed their eyes, waiting for the scolding. When nothing happened for about a minute, they opened their eyes to find Jack, Maddie and Jazz had fainted on the couch.

"Wow, they took it a lot better than I expected." Danny commented. Sam nodded in reply.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EPIC LINE BREAK!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Don't worry Sam; I'm sure your parents will support you." Maddie comforted the Goth. After waking up, Mr. and Mrs. Fenton were desperately restraining their urges to strangle the two. Jazz could not so they had locked her in the closet, where she continued to yell obscenities at them.

"Okay. I'm ready. Come on Danny, let's go tell my parents." Sam said as the two walked out while Jack and Maddie watched.

"Aww, our little boy's growing up. Really, really fast. I'm mean, one day he's just a kid the next day you find out he's a ghost? I mean if that doesn't scream puberty I don't know what does…" Maddie, getting annoyed at her husband's rambling which was quickly devolving into how a halfa could exist held up a plate of fudge. "So then you'd have to… FUDGE!" Jack then tackled her to reach the chocolaty goodness, which had not been her plan.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another EPIC LINE BREAK!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An hour later the doorbell rang, Jack and Maddie answered to door to find Danny and Sam. Sam had an incredibly mad expression on her face, and Danny's hands were full with luggage.

"They kicked me out." Was all Sam had to say before walking upstairs to Danny's room with the halfa in tow.

------------------------------------------------------------

In Danny's Room

------------------------------------------------------------

"Okay, it'll still be a few weeks before a start showing. We can put if off as weight gain if anyone asks, so we should be able to keep this under wraps for a while, months even." Sam discussed, she and Danny were trying to figure out how to hide this from the school.

"I'm sure we'll be fine honey." Danny embraced the Goth who while he had loved before, now loved in a whole new way. They were going to have a child! If it weren't for the fact they were fourteen and this baby's conception was the result of hormone altering substances sprayed on Danny's person, he would've been overjoyed. Deep down inside, they both were. Really, really deep though. Like behind their pancreases.

And so with absolute confidence that no-one would have to find out about this until absolutely necessary, Danny and Sam headed to school the next day…

* * *

What will happen at school? It's nothing good. And now that all this getting knocked up and finding out about this is out of the way, Sue Mary will take a more active role in the story. Who will Danny chose? Sam, who has now tied him down for life with this unborn kid? Or Sue Mary, who he harbors no affection for what-so-ever, but has her ways… Find out next time, err, maybe, well you'll find out at some point during this story!


	8. Alaska

I do not know what to say other than… for the moment at least… I'M BACK!

**A Warning from Sue Mary:** Da fowwowin chappa is here. Voiwer excretion advisd.

* * *

While walking to school the next day, Danny and Sam noticed that everyone appeared to be giggling at them when their heads were turned. One boy even said "Look momma! It's Juno!" They were really hoping this wasn't what it appeared to be and that their "secret" hadn't come out. Upon reaching the entrance to the school the snickering from nearby onlookers only grew worse. Fed up with the odd behavior of Amity Park's population, Sam grabbed a random student and pinned him against a locker.

"What's everyone laughing about? Tell me or I'll do to you what I did to Susan Mistmantle in the fourth grade!" The boy felt his bladder emptying as he relieved the Susan Mistmantle incident. If it hadn't been for that "demonic possession" defense Sam's lawyer had gone with she would've been the first nine-year-old to be tried as an adult in the state of Illinois…

"Uh, uh…" The boy stammered. "Dinosaurs?" He finally answered, his brain having gone numb with blind fear. Realizing this was getting them nowhere Sam dropped the boy and dragged a distressed Danny (Also reliving the Susan Mistmantle incident) to the cafeteria where it seemed that most of the student body was congregating. Entering the mess hall, Danny and Sam's jaws dropped at the sight before them.

There was a massive poster of the movie _Juno_ with Sam's head photo-shopped onto it. "Look, it's the guests of honor!" Dash exclaimed upon noticing the lovebird's entry. The student body turned towards them and began to laugh heartily and throw various objects including binders, textbooks, backpacks and one particularly strong fellow through Mr. Lancer's desk at them.

"How?" Sam asked to Danny. "The only people we told were our parents and…" Both of them glared. "Tucker!" The two ran from the lunchroom and tore through Casper High in search of the techno-geek. They found him cowering in a secluded classroom, his eyes widened as the two stepped in.

"Listen guys! I'm so sorry! You didn't say I couldn't tell anyone, so I told a couple of my buddies in the technology club and then it just… spread!" Tucker got down on his knees and begged for mercy, mainly from Sam. It says something when you're more afraid of the normal human than the guy with ghost powers. Sam's face contorted with rage and she swiftly punched Tucker's lights out. Then the Goth dropped to her knees and began sobbing and apologizing to her fallen friend. Then she started laughing at his half-conscious mumbling. Danny sighed; even he could tell what was going on. Her mood swings had begun.

* * *

Oh no! Sam's having mood swings and you what's next, right? Weird Cravings!

Also, I have been thinking about doing one of those "100 Oneshot Challenge" story things, do you think I should?


	9. Like a Boss

**A Warning From Sue Mary: Suma dis chappa has singing innid but IGOD dontnot owns teh sung. Voiwer excretion advisd.**

Disclaimer: I do not own "Like a Boss" also some of the lyrics have been changed to keep this story rated k plus.

* * *

Far away from Amity Park, in a place where few ever visited, lay a building adorned with a large sign with "DALV CORPORATIONS" written on it in large, friendly letters thought recently a group of vandals had added "The Cake is a Lie" to it via spray paint. Inside a man who was not at all related to this story entered a conference room where another man who was also not related to the story but soon would waited.

"Mr. Samberg thanks for coming to your performance review." The man who had just walked inside stated.

"No problem." Mr. Samberg answered coolly. He wore a standard business suit and had neatly trimmed brown hair. He looked like a stereotypical officer corporation boss.

"So, you're in charge around here. Is that fair to say?" The performance reviewer asked.

"Absolutely, I'm the boss." Mr. Samberg replied. The reviewer sat down in front of "the boss" and made himself comfortable while pulling out a ball point pen and notepad.

"Okay, so take us through a day in the life of 'the boss'." Mr. Samberg straitened up in his seat and put on a pair of sunglasses.

"Well the first thing I do is…" He began as music began to play in the background, startling the performance reviewer and nearly causing him to drop his notepad.

Mr. Samberg: _**Talk to corporate (like a boss)  
Approve memos (like a boss)  
Lead a workshop (like a boss)  
Remember birthdays (like a boss)  
Direct workflow (like a boss)  
My own bathroom (like a boss)  
Micro manage (like a boss)  
Promote synergy (like a boss)  
Hit on Deborah (like a boss)  
Get rejected (like a boss)  
Swallow sadness (like a boss)  
Send some faxes (like a boss)  
Call a sex line (like a boss)  
Cry deeply (like a boss)  
Demand a refund (like a boss)  
Eat a bagel (like a boss)  
Harassment lawsuit (like a boss)  
No promotion (like a boss)  
Fifth of vodka (like a boss)  
Poop on Deborah's desk (like a boss)  
Buy a gun (like a boss)  
In my mouth (like a boss)  
Oh, darn man I can't even do it (sobs)  
Chicken out (like a boss)  
Puke on Deborah's desk (like a boss)  
Jump out the window (like a boss) **__**Kick a dude's crotch (like a boss)  
Score some drugs (like a boss)  
Crash my car (like a boss)  
Punch my own crotch (like a boss)  
Eat some chicken strips (like a boss)  
Chop my (bleep)s off (like a boss)  
Black out in the sewer (like a boss)  
Meet a giant fish (like a boss)  
Beat his brains out (like a boss)  
Turn into a jet (like a boss)  
Bomb the Russians (like a boss)  
Crash into the sun (like a boss)  
Now I'm dead (like a boss)**_

"So that's an average day for you then?" The reviewer questioned incredulously.

"No doubt." The boss suavely answered.

"You chop your (bleep)s off and _die_?"

"Heck yeah!" Mr. Samberg leaned back in his chair and put his feet on the table.

"Okay well this has been eye-opening for me." The reviewer stood up to leave, wanting to get away from this lunatic as soon as humanly possible.

"I'm the boss."

"Yeah I know. You said that four hundred times."

"I'm the boss."

"Yeah, yeah I got it."

"I'm the boss."

"Okay great I heard you, bye." The man dashed out the door slamming it behind him. Mr. Samberg continued to chant "I'm the boss" as if he did not realize the other man had vacated the premises. Just as he was halfway through uttering "I'm the boss" for the four hundred thirty eighth time a fourteen year old girl with long brown hair, a pink tank top and blue jeans walked in.

"HAI UNKLE SUMBURD!" Sue Mary exclaimed before running to embrace her uncle who once again reminded her of his position in DALV Corporations.

"What do ya' need sweetheart? Your uncle's busy being the boss." Sue Mary then held up a picture of Danny and Sam holding hands while walking through the Amity Park Park.

"I LOFE HEM SO DEAD DA GOFF GURL PLS!" She exscreamed (Note: while exscreamed is not a word this is what Sue Mary would say). Mr. Samberg patted his niece on the head and stood up.

"No problem. I'm the boss!"

* * *

Oh no! Sam's in trouble now… maybe… okay not really unless that stuff the boss said about turning into a jet was true…

Also did anyone understand why the last chapter was called Alaska, I'm worried that no one got the joke.


	10. An Important Message from Sue Mary

**A Message from Sue Mary:**

HAI EVERY1 it med ur faforat goast gurl! I leik beinin teh stare of Oh Gus No not anoter Oh Gos No Storee b utted I want 2 rit mah on thnigs now.

So i aksed Isane Gyu of DOM nad gaved me own fafiction accountl!!111

I maek sum god storys soond.

Commnig soon:

SamB ecomes a Hafa:

Sam gets goast powars and haz to fight DARCULA!!1111

Zeke and Luther Skateboard Tragedy

Fninal Flite of Maximom Ride

Hey Aronld Tearz of the Moon

N moch mroe!

So visid mah akount at www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/~suemary

* * *

Okay, perhaps some explaining is in order since that was hardly legible. Sue Mary has her own fanfiction account now from which she can reak havoc on the english language! YAY! Check out her account, and be sure to email her about stuff and you'll get a response. You can ask Sue about what she thinks of the story, tell her how horrible she is or all kinds of things! SO LOOK NOW!

-Insane Guy of DOOM!


	11. The Man with the Burnt Leg

**A Warning from Sue Mary:** Suma dis chappa iz borrowsed form Peter Chimaera. Voiwer excretion advisd.

Disclaimer: I do not own "Hitler: Extreme Nazi" this masterpiece was written by Peter Chimaera.

* * *

"Alright, class can we please stop gossiping about Juno-err Ms. Manson and present our history reports?" Mr. Lancer pleaded to his students. "Who wants to go first?" Sue Mary's hand leapt up above the other students.

"Nwo i cun imperz Doanyy wif noledge!" She thought out loud.

"Uh, I'm sitting right next to you." Danny pointed out while dodging a piece of paper with crude images of himself and Sam scribbled on it. Either not listening to, or ignoring Danny's comment, Sue Mary walked up the front of the class with a piece of notebook paper in her hand.

"My eport am about Hiter. It calls "Hitler: Extreme Nazi"." Thanks to her amazing Sue-powers the entire class paid complete attention to her now.

It wam twelve AM and Hitler was come down for living room inspection.

"THIS IS DISGRACE" he spittemed and wipered his face with lawn mower precision.

"I am sorry Her Hitler" saysed a servant who was make wash the floors harder than ever.

"OH JEW" Hitler becamed enfurious. It was twenty minutes beforr a jagged walking gentleman would arrive and if he was important house guest!

"Dear Ado lf" Him Mother walkering down flirghts of stairs  
"I carry theb askert of fresh muffins," she brought tasty treat.

Thib is delicioum!$ "Hilter said"

But World War I started in forty minutes and is so he has to go out t ofight ar the Frenck.  
They lost all the war and forcet to sign a accodr.  
I "WILL GET REVENG ON JEW" Hitler baosted of his fury and he year was 19a33 when he become leader of NAZIS! Germany was place of his Austrian rage and he ordered make of concentraction camps which before were something different but now they murder jews he also try to build things like new weapons and maybe atime machine but science isnt proved, He was wvery good at the constuctering of mad power but then latern when war was over America had made atomic bomps and Hitler tired to mark them too but he was unsuccescive. Great smokes I must hiding He disappear it 1945 and nover fonud again Perhaps he built time machine or maybe get disaperr into Belgium where he lived with Beligums.  
Hitler did some good things but he mwas not hero! He did terrible thing too and kill a lot of Jew we must hnever forgot because history important

The Ent

"Um, thanks for that lovely report Sue Mary. You get an A plus." Mr. Lancer stated; his brain fried from Sue's terrible "essay" if one could even call it that on Hitler. Thankfully the bell rang and the students fled from the classroom. Sue Mary watched Sam leave and chuckled to herself, well aware of what her Uncle Samberg had in store for the Goth girl.

As Sam walked out of Mr. Lancer's class she and Danny parted ways with a hug and kiss before heading off to their next period classes. On the way to science a torrent of flames erupted from the tile several feet away from Sam. The Goth gasped as a burning mummy emerged from the pillar of fire.

"I am Abo Ragl Ma Slokha, the Man with the Burnt Leg!" The creature announced in a dry, cracked voice which no human entity could ever hope to produce. "I have to come to burn you alive!"

"Why the heck would you do that?" Sam asked, more out of curiosity then fear.

"Because I'm angry that my leg is burnt." The Goth stared at him incredulously.

"So let me get this straight? You go around, burning people alive-"

"Cooking them alive, actually." Abo Ragl Ma Slokha clarified.

"Whatever. So you do all that just because _your leg is burnt_?" The scorched monstrosity nodded.

"Pretty much. Yep." He raised his hands and fire burst from them. "Now prepare to meet your end depressingly dressed child!"

"I am not a child! I'm a teenager thank you very much. And because it seems I'm some kind of cosmic plaything, a pregnant one at that." Abo's eyes widened.

"Oh my gosh! Never in my millennia of existence have I ever come this close to cooking someone who wasn't a child? I'm ruined! I've lost my touch! Oh woe is me!" He dropped the floor and cried steam, as his tears evaporated instantly from the heat of his immolated body.

* * *

"Sow Darny i hread u needz a new girlifrend cuz Som deade4d form teh fire mommy." Danny looked at Sue Mary in shock.

"WHAT?!" He immediately went ghost, followed by an annoyed Sue Mary, towards Sam's last class hoping he wasn't too late. It never occurred to him that it was rather suspicious Sue knew about Sam's supposed death when no one else did. When they reached the hallway, both halfas gasped at the sight before them.

"WUT?" Sue Mary spurted out. Sam and Abo Ragl Ma Slokha, the monster her uncle had sent to _kill her_, were sitting at a table _having a tea party_…

"Hi Danny!" Sam waved before taking another sip of the tea. "This is Abo Ragl Ma Slokha, the Man with the Burnt Leg. He tried to kill me but we talked things over and are cool now."

"How's it goin'?" Abo asked Danny and Sue. Sue Mary just stood there with her mouth gaping.

"IT GOATS TO GO WASHER HARE!" The Mary Sue sped off to confront her uncle for his epic failure under the pretense of needing to "washer" her "hare".

* * *

Meanwhile at DAVL Corporation headquarters Mr. Samberg sat at his desk chanting "I'm the boss" to himself. Suddenly the stapler, papers, jar of paperclips, phone, and mug of coffee on his desk began to glow pink and levitate.

"U FALE!" Sue Mary screamed at her uncle while hurtling the office supplies every which way.

"What? Abo Ragl Ma Slokha didn't kill her? That's impossible! I can't fail! I'm the boss!"

"WEEL U DID STO FXIX AT!" Mr. Samberg raised his hand up to both calm his niece and shield his face from any projectiles she might hurtle at him.

"Don't worry, I'm the boss. I got a full proof plan to get rid of her."

"Esselenlentttytent." The uncle and niece broke out into their trademarked evil laughs, which scared the other employees quite badly.

* * *

After school Danny and Sam returned to Fenton Works. Exhausted from the long day of learning things he would most certainly not use later in his life, Danny plopped down on the couch and began to surf through the television channels.

"DANNY! We're out of pickles, hot sauce, and that wonderful soy-halibut!" Sam called from the kitchen. She had hit the weird cravings stage of pregnancy, and her most recent desire was soy-halibut stuffed with pickles and sautéed in hot sauce. Danny thought two things about that. One, his future child (or dare he even think it, children) was the spawn of some horrible gluttony demon thing and two, how on Earth was it possible to make a halibut out of soy beans?

"Sweetheart, you heard her. Go and get some… everything because by the time she comes back she'll have another craving for something weirder." Maddie chimed.

"But mom…"

"Hey, I'm not the one who got her pregnant!" Danny grimaced at that remark, knowing there was no way he could trump it. And so he begrudgingly got up to go to the store, his head filled with thoughts of contempt for this horrible accident.

The halfa looked back towards the kitchen before stepping out the door and saw Sam, a hand placed over her already starting to grow stomach while she cooed lovingly at the child growing inside. All of Danny's thoughts of anger melted away and were replaced with feelings of love. Love for both Sam and their unborn child. His heart lightened, he stepped out the door, deciding to bring back more than food. Maybe some plastic flowers, as Sam thought it was mindless to kill real ones just to look nice, or maybe some vegetarian approved chocolates, or... He thought on what he might get to suprise Sam the rest of the way to grocery store and back.

* * *

Yay for DxS fluff at the last part! Also, Abo Ragl Ma Slokha is a real mythological figure from ancient Egypt. He was essentially the Egyptian boogeyman, capturing and cooking children who misbehaved. Next chapter will either be some Danny and Sam bonding or the start of the Phantoms of Silent Hill parody, whichever I feel like when I begin writing it.


End file.
